A Memoir of My Mother: The Purse

My mother passed away August 31st, 2016. She was ​only fifty years old. I remember that day so incredibly well. So well in fact, that sometimes I wish I could forget it. More so, I wish that it never had happened. 

My mother and I had a very complicated relationship when I was growing up. If there is one thing that I knew about her, it was her love for my sister and I. There were several times through out our time together that she would remind me just how much we meant to her. It didn't matter if we were in a good place or a less than perfect place; her love never wavered. 

I wanted to share this with you, because I was reminded of this memory yesterday. A very good friend of mine received a Michael Kors purse from her mother as a gift. My friend told me what this meant to her, and tears began to sting my eyes. I had to actually walk away for a moment because i couldn't control the feelings that were coming to the surface. You see, when someone you love passes away, it is the most earth shattering, heart breaking, void creating thing that could ever happen to you. You hear people tell you to "be strong" and "everything will get better in time"...and I envy those people, because that must mean that they have never suffered a loss SO great.  

There are so many things that you then are looking into, that you certainly were not prepared for (at this point in your life)... Such as, funeral arrangements. What do you want the obituary to say? Cremated or buried? Mass or no mass? Large visitation room, small visitation room, visitation room?! Do you want music to be played in the room? What time? What day? A holiday weekend, will people come? How are my grandparents? Are they okay? My sister.. my poor sister. She's one of the strongest people I know, and I should be strong for her.. I should lead by example........but how could you be strong when your mother's no longer here? 

Pardon Me, I got off topic.. 

The purse! <3

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"One of the last things that my mother bought me, was a MK Purse. It was beautiful. It was just the right tote size that I can shove a bunch of stuff into! It was matte black, because that's my favorite!! But, I felt super guilty accepting this beautiful gift. I knew that she couldn't afford it, but she insisted that I take it, and I had better love it! She reminded me about the things that I had been going through at that current point in my life, and how I deserved something nice for myself. She told me about how proud of me she was, and how she looked up to me and my strength; when really I should have been the one telling HER these things. 

I cried when she gave it to me (naturally), because my mother wanted so badly to give me something NICE to make up for the past.. for all the things that she wasn't able to give me as a child, and kind of as a peace offering towards the future. As I stated before, we had a complicated relationship at times. The last few years of her life, however, we were great. We had finally reached a place where we understood each other, and we supported each other more than I could ever express... and my beautiful MK purse, was so much more than a purse.. it was a reminder that we could accomplish anything. That we WOULD accomplish many things together. That we put the obstacles of the past behind us, and we were working towards a better future. 

I still have that MK bag.. And honestly I probably will never ever get rid of it, for what it means to me. I have it stored away, because I don't think that I have the strength to hold onto it right now...I don't think I'm ready for all of those feelings to come flooding to the surface.. yet.

Don't be afraid to give someone another chance. As you've heard, and as you know.. Life is painfully short. Cliche or not, you must enjoy the time that you have with someone, before it's too late. 

Maybe a purse is just a purse...Or maybe it's another moment that made me Mallory.